#12

I get REALLY emotional whenever I see someone else cry, get mad, or think about something I miss or that's sad.

My mom likes these poems.

so you looked at me for a sec,

just a flash of blue,

"you know you'll miss me."

"more than you know."

and you turned around.

and the moment was gone.

our little secret.

She likes this one better:

stepping over oceans

like shallow puddles in the park

let's just sit and meet in the middle.

swing our legs back and forth

       (one and two)

reminisce about the good times,

                                the old times,

                                the lost times.

I apologize for that last angst-filled post. (#11)

I lack passion where it counts and because of that I don't think I'll aspire to anything.

Sigh.

I'm in love with a boy I can't have and I've accepted it. I have feelings for a boy that I've liked since 7th grade who has a girlfriend. What the hell is wrong with me?

#10

I hate speaking. I hate conversations. If it was up to me, I'd never speak. Actions, not words, man. 

#9?

I'm more comfortable around adults... not that I'm ever truly comfortable.

#8

My heart actually aches with the need to explore every corner of the world. I want to travel the deserts of Egypt, wander the slums of India, and hike in the mountains of Alaska. I want to meet the people that live in the aftermath of destruction in Uganda, to come across something fantastic where I least expect it, to see something that makes me cry from amazement. I need to see new things and experience the beauty that the world holds. The beauty that people destroy.

Oh, crap. (#7)

I hate that war is necessary.

Oops. My lack of will power is showing (#6)

I sensor my personality depending on who I'm with. 

#5

I'm aware of a lot more than I let on.

#4

I don't believe in God. 

(I realized that when I post once I usually start a posting frenzy within myself.)

#3

I'm obsessed with fate.

I just need somebody to love.

I know that I should be grateful and feel lucky that my mom wants me to spend "family time" with them, and I do want to, I really do, but I just can't. I always find some excuse to push myself away from my family. I can see it hurts my mom, but I just can't stop. Yes, I want to see my brother's face when he looks at the sharks. Yes, I want to, I really do, but I just can't.

What's wrong with me?

I walk a lonely road

I'm so lost. I don't feel connected to anyone.  Not my friends, not my parents, no one.  I miss how things were a few years ago- simple.  I don't know myself anymore because I do things based on how I think others see me rather than how I see myself. Back in middle school I knew who I was, who my friends were, and what I liked. Now, one minute I'm reading fucking Henry David Thoreau and feeling like a hippie and the next minute I'm just another person.  I'm on a journey to find myself but the only problem is that I can't find the starting line. 

The worst part is that no one notices.

I lost already (#2)

I'm a skeptic. 

#1

I'm Samm, not Samantha.

I'm holding onto the wind

For now on I'm going to try and post one thing about me each day.

Angie <3 Chris

Not so much a revelation.  I was watching the season 1 finale of "Skins" on Youtube tonight when I thought to myself, "Hey. I should really do my AP US History homework." And you know what, when I finished the episode, I did do it.  I know it may not seem like much, but I wanted to start season 2 really badly and for me to have the will power to tell myself "no" is a big deal. I'm proud of myself even if I can't convince myself to do my AP Lit homework.  Oh well. Start off with small steps, right?

I'm still sickish.

Fml.

I went to the library after school today to actually get some work done and I typed up a 7 page paper... it got deleted. So then I went home and I typed it again after having a mini breakdown in the car.  Now instead of finishing my other homework I'm cleaning out my bedside table drawers. 

I've been sick since saturday which means I'm currently missing my 3rd day of school.

Not so good because of my AP classes. Crap.