We're both dancing around it. Finding every possible way to say it without actually saying it. I'm afraid to say it. I don't know if it's true or not. We've only known each other a few months, but she's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I want her to say it first, but I don't know how long I can wait.

Fan-fucking-tastic Day

Yesterday a friend said this to me:
"And I think it's reasonable for me to say that I have such a high level of respect for you that it almost just makes you seem like someone I've only dreamed of talking to, because it almost feels like this kind of person can't possibly exist,but you do. and whatever reason, such as fate, existing has led me to know you. I think this is a landmark of my life: our friendship."

And today my girlfriend said this to me:
"I really like you and I want to do anything I have to to make us work. I saw a couple on tumblr that is very similar to us. I haven't been able to get you off my mind all day. I've been thinking a lot about my future and I really want you in it."

I'm at a point in my life right now where everything is falling into place, and I've never been happier. I just hope this feeling lasts.

I'm so afraid of telling her how much she really means to me.

It's the Mississippi River, y'all.

I want a tattoo on the inside of my upper arm that reads "I've had a little too much to think". I have a habit of, because I'm so insecure, over-thinking and over-analyzing every single move I make. From the big decisions to the tiny, insignificant minute details, I am constantly monitoring and thinking about everything. This habit has prevented me from partaking in a lot of great opportunities in my life, and I can't help but wonder how my life would be different if I hadn't missed those chances.

Now that I'm graduating, and am (hopefully) moving to Vancouver, I need a reminder to live my life and not to waste it away thinking about every possible outcome of every single decision.

I've Been Thinking About Death Lately

I love the idea that everyone dies. It gives life value and actions a meaning. I really hate when people are like “don’t ____ because it’s deadly” or “you shouldn’t ______ because you might die.” Everyone dies at some time or another. I think everyone should live their lives the way THEY want because who knows how long you have? I don’t mean this in a “live every day to the fullest” kind of way. More of in a “do whatever the fuck you want because we all die anyway.” Want to smoke? Smoke. Want to jump off cliffs? Jump off cliffs. You might as well die doing something fun or because of something you like.

Just live.

I applied for a job here today. I walked in, and there were just books EVERYWHERE. And there were stacks of vinyls and cassettes. I thought I was in heaven. THEN this adorable old man wearing a flannel, beanie, and huge hipster glasses walks over to me. This was the conversation we had:

Him: Can I help you?
Me: Hi. Are you hiring?
Him: No. Come back when you’re ready to buy something. -walks away-

-.-

PS- The picture is blurry because as I went to take it on my phone, he walked over and I was afraid of him.

Officially

The corners of his mouth turned up. To those that did not know him, it was a smile. But those few that did know him knew he did not smile. This, this was something else. A sign of comprehension, of reticent acceptance, of indignation.

Love falling asleep on Skype.

The hum of voices washed over my body. I was a shell lost in the ocean; a faceless figure lost in the crowd.

Hypnotic, hypnotic,
You're leaving my breathless