This Happened

I Have Better Hygiene Than This Post Suggests

Warning: This is a rambling post. Proceed with caution.

I want a girl that I can wrap my arms around and crush. I want a girl that doesn't care that I don't shower regularly or that I barely wash my jeans. I want a girl that will listen to me rave about my musician obsessions and not complain. I want a girl that will steal my flannels. I want a girl that is content to cuddle all day even if we don't speak a word. I want a girl that makes me feel like there are pterodactyls in my belly.

I Drink Out of Jars

Tragic.

I'm thinking of getting glasses like these.

YAYYYYYYYYY

This shitty picture was taken in a euphoric bliss over the first snowfall of the year. I ran through my house dancing and turning on lights until I realized that it was 12:30. Oops.

My mom can suck on that. We got into a fight yesterday because I said that it should be snowing right now and she said, “Fuck no. It doesn’t snow until January.”

-insert smug expression-

I Was Posting Too Much On Tumblr

I can't wait to turn 18 in 267 days so that I can:

1) Get a tattoo like this but of this.

2) Get a tattoo like this.

3) Get a tattoo of the hebrew word for "harmony." (אחדות)

4) Move out of stereotypical suburbia.

5) Be able to join the Peace Corps even if I don't immediately.

I'm sick. So is my mom, sister, and brother.
I got a new hat from Krochet Kids International. It's soft and warm and amazing.
I also found my old "his" mug, but I still can't find the matching "hers."
I want this and this.
Oh, this too.

I've Had A Little Too Much To Think

I wore the gayest outfit ever today. And I don't mean "gayest" offensively. I mean literally. Like, "Hi. I'm a lesbian." I wore skinny jeans, sea foam green keds, a plaid flannel, and one of those loose fitting tank tops... in 36 degree weather. And I didn't match.

ie: This title

I'm the kind of person that is awkward in every single thing that I do. Even if its something I'm good at, I just always look and feel awkward. Everything I wear is always just a little bit off. Even when someone picks out my outfit. It's as if my entire persona is just awkward. I think I exude awkwardness.

I Wonder What This Means

Why is it that every time I dream about Tegan Quin it's in an apocalyptic or dangerous setting? The first time she rescued me from a murderer during a Noah's Arc-esque flood. Last night I had this one:

Tegan was delivering a lecture at some college near me, so naturally I went. I got there a little late, but I parked right in front of the entrance. When I walked in, the only seat available was one next to Tegan and Lindsey. I didn't want to sit there, though, because they were being very affectionate and into each other and I didn't want to disrupt it. Tegan invited me to sit next to her anyway, and throughout the first speaker's speech we flirted and she laughed at all my jokes. Then a storm started and Tegan got scared. We wanted to leave but we weren't allowed even though I could clearly see my car from where we were sitting. Something didn't feel right, though. Like, it wasn't an ordinary storm. I don't really remember what happened. I just remember waking up in the middle of the night and willing myself to go back to sleep to see what would happen with Tegan, hahahahahahahaha.

http://ivehadalittletoomuchtothink.tumblr.com

There's this girl.
And she's fantastic.
She's funny. She's smart. She's a dork.
She's 800 miles away.
I'd do anything to hold her.

"This next song is about when you get your heart broken and you try your best to glue it back together and you wake up one morning and you’re so happy because you realize, “Oh my god, the tape’s holding'."

Sara Quin

I Want A Kitten So Badly It's Not Even Funny

This is my least favorite time of year- all the bands go into hibernation leaving us lowly listeners alone.

Why Does This Video Make Me So Happy?

It's A Circle, A Mean Cycle

Why is it the story of my life that I only like people that live hundreds of miles away from me?

But Can You Really Blame Me?

I cut school to watch NCIS "Cote's Birthday" marathons on USA just to see Cote de Pablo.

I'm Wearing My Hair Justin Beiber Style, And It Looks Fantastic

I'm failing school.
That will be all.

Hi

Before:

After:

T-Minus 18 Hours

I'm cutting all my hair off tomorrow. I'm panicking. Like, freaking out. I'm going to cry tomorrow. Oh boy. I'm making my best friend come with me so I wont be able to chicken out. [:

Ew.

Why do I get into fights with my mom EVERY DAY about lesbian stereotypes. She thinks that "masculine" is a synonym for "lesbian." I think I should show her Portia de Rossi and ask if she's masculine. Or maybe I'll show her the entire cast of The Real L Word... except Mikey. I just frickin' hate how ignorant she can be.

Preheat the Oven at 350 Degrees

I've decided that "cookie cutter" really is the best way to describe my town. The following description of my town is based on large majority and does not, admittedly, account for all of its people. (cue Law and Order sound affects)

The people in my town are one and the same. They're either Jewish or Italian or both. They get drunk and high and party on the weekends. They're either book smart with no common sense or just dumb all around. They either go to a)Michigan State, b)SUNY Binghamton, or c)Nassau Community College.

Then there are those "cookies" that never look like the others. These are the ones that have deformed legs or are smaller or not as fluffy as the other ones and tend to be made from scraps of dough. These kids dare to be different and are generally abused for it.

The end.

So Today...

Today I went to the hair salon with my mom to make an appointment to get it cut, and I showed the picture of the style I want (see previous post) to my mom. Her first reaction, I kid you not, was to say, "Is this your way of coming out as a dyke?" I had to awkwardly laugh that one off by saying, "Haha, yeah. I'm coming out of the closet via haircut. Ha...ha...ha..." All was fine until I expressed my fear of what my class mates would say. My mom thinks that they'll "Whisper and be like, 'Look at Samm. What a dyke.'" Thanks mom. I get that she's not trying to be offensive, but really. Enough is enough.

Then things really got awkward when she started to make fun of Tegan Quin and I jumped to her defense with something along the lines of, "Mom! Stop making fun of her! She's the love of my life." To which my mom responded, "I thought you weren't a lesbian?" To which I did not respond.

I should just come out.

A Very Nice Surprise.

I was flipping through the December issue of Alternative Press Magazine, when whose face do I see looking up at me? TEGAN QUIN'S! They had a mini article about her and her guitars, but more importantly, she looked gorgeous. I got very excited. I'll quote my mom here: "Who's that guy?" No mom, just no.


And in case you care, the bottom right corner says:
THE BREAKDOWN
Musician: Tegan Rain Quin
Band: Tegan and Sara
Guitars Owned: 15
Favorite Gear:Late-60's Gibson Melody Maker Guitar
Owned Since: 2006

Lullaby

“If only, if only, the woodpecker sighs,
The bark on the tree was as soft as the skies.
The wolf waits below, hungry and lonely,
And cries to the moon,
If only, if only.”

I Will Not Be Wishing Anyone A "Happy Halloween" Today.

I want this cat:


Does anyone have $150 to lend me?

I Can Not Understand

The word "worship" scares me. It truly frightens me to think that people dedicate their entire existence to a being that they might never experience. When the church by my house puts up signs saying things like, "God is watching you," and "Follow only Jesus," I honestly get scared. I just can't comprehend how people devote themselves to something whose fundamental purpose is to scare you into believing. It just seems wrong to me. To me, the entire meaning of faith is to trust in something- not be scared into practicing by having an ultimatum put over your head; follow me or burn in hell.

I'm sorry if I offended anyone. I just honestly can not understand it.

Future Hair

Yes. 7 months until it can become a reality.

Truth.

The Hollow Men

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

-T. S. Eliot

Yup.

I Forgot To Say This On Number 100

Today, in school, when asked to draw a picture of something he likes to touch, my 7 year old brother drew a pair of boobs.

Cent

I decided that in honor of my 100th post (I really talk to myself that much?) I would make an anticlimactic statement. It goes as such:

I just "came out" to the second person.

On that note, I'm fulfilling my duty as a member of the LGBT community by watching The L Word. Almost done with season 2 and I keep accidently reading spoilers. fml.

Also in other news, today was Spirit Day. I hope all you non-readers wore purple in memory of the kids in the news that took their own lives because they were being bullied. And not only them, for that matter because I've heard a lot of people saying things like, "Wearing a color does nothing. If you want to make a difference, donate or do something." And, don't get me wrong, I completely agree with that. But what those who make that argument fail to realize, is that we don't expect the color purple to make a physical impact. Wearing purple today represents our solidarity in pledging our love to all who need it and our acceptance to all of those who don't find it at home. A color is just a color, but it's why you wear it that matters. And as Lady Gaga said, "Wearing pink doesn't cure breast cancer so I guess we can't do that, either."

I'd Like To Introduce You.

I'd like you to meet the only blonde women I've ever been attracted to (the brunette list goes on forever).



Ruta Gedmintas



Laura Marling

I Forgot

I forgot how good it feels to listen to your favorite music after not listening to it for a while. I've been going through this sort of alternative phase with bands like Phoenix and Franz Ferdinand and so I haven't been listening to, say, Tegan and Sara lately. I just had my iPod on shuffle and an acoustic version of "The Con" came on and I literally lost my breath. I can't remember what I was doing before the song came on, but somewhere between Tegan's awkward introduction and the final note, I laid down, closed my eyes, and released every ounce of stress from my body.

I love familiarity.

PS- I could literally feel the notes of the song washing over me and leaving chills behind.

PPS- Every time I hear "encircle me" I hear it in a screamo voice. Thank you, Sara Quin.

PPPS- My 7 year old brother and his friend are in the next room singing "Teenage Dream." Society.

PPPPS- HAPPY ALASKA DAY!

More Dreams

Last night I had a dream that Tegan Quin rescued me from the hotel room of a mass murderer, except I was her sister, but I wasn't Sara. I was myself. Then we ran away to my high school and had lunch with my 9th grade Earth Science teacher during a massive flood while listening to Vampire Weekend in an old, crappy Toyota.

What?

Strange Night

Last night I had two dreams.

The Best Dream Ever:

I was dating Taylor Swift, and we were backstage at some kind of VMA/High School Reunion type deal. She was stressing over what to wear so she put on my jeans, but then I had nothing to wear, so I ended up looking like crap. For some reason, though, every time I saw her in my dream, she was wearing shorts. Neither of us cared what we looked like and we were just goofing around. Taylor was being presented with some award and we showed up late, so when we entered through the back, everyone turned around to look at us, and that whole time she just looked at me and I felt like the luckiest person in the world. This dream made me wake up smiling. [:

Weirdest Dream Ever:

I was dating my best friend's boyfriend and we were fooling around in his car while we drove to my house. I wont go into any more detail than that...

I Feel You In My Heart And I Don't Even Know You

Why Haven't I Showered In Days?

Rant

I guess you could say it's been a weekend of gay. For some reason, I've had like 52745245 conversations about gay people, gay-themed shows, and gay marriage with my dad these past two weekends. He knows that I hate homophobia, and he denies being it, and yet every time someone mentioned the word "gay," he'd blanch and literally make a gag noise. Like, are you five years old? So when I finally brought it up at dinner while talking about the gay vampires on True Blood (which he watches, btw), he goes, "If you had seen them- the big guy all over the other one- you'd have done the same thing. It's disgusting. You would have done the same thing [meaning be disgusted]." And I just look at him and say, "No. I really wouldn't because I don't think that gays are disgusting. I'm not homophobic and I think it's great that there are gay people on such a widely watched show. So no dad, I wouldn't have been disgusted. The only thing I'm disgusted at is you."

Does that mean I disgust you, too, daddy?

In other news, I saw "Easy A" today and it only confirmed my love for Emma Stone. She's fucking gorgeous (especially when she wears the corsets).

Times change

I have a crush on a girl that I met when I was 13. It was on a 3 week trip to England. I hated her and thought she was weird back then. She lives in another state. I haven't spoken to her since then. I'm strangely obsessed with her now, though. She draws. And likes good music.

Why, heart, why must you work in such mysterious ways?

Oh, the places to see

I think it's pretty safe to assume that I can not die satisfied with my life without going to Alaska. I'm pretty sure I've made that clear to myself and every other person I've ever met (seriously, I'm sorry mom and dad).

Well now I'm on to the next step. Where in Alaska do I want to go. Here's the list with reasons:

1. Denali National Park- Fairbanks 142 Bus

2. Anchorage- Well, obviously. And I have friends there.

3. Fairbanks- I've heard you can see the Aurora Borealis pretty frequently from there.

4. North Pole- Because it's only a few miles from Fairbanks and their Santa Claus eats at Wendy's everyday.

5. Kodiak, Old Harbor- Population of 298

6. Shismaref Inlet- Home to some of the last Inuits. Their island is being ruined by global warming

7. Tongass National Park- One of the only remaining temperate forests

8. Prince William Sound- Scene of the Exxon Oil Spill

9. Juneau- It's the capital

10. I don't care where. Just take me to the god damn state!

Ch-ch-check It Out

To all none of you who are reading this, please check out my friend's blog. It's all about human and civil rights concentrated mainly in LGBT issues.

http://regenerationx.tumblr.com

Also, if you want to submit a piece of news or just anything, really, you can send it in anonymously or with your name.

Spread the word!

I'm tired of pretending.

I want to feel infinite.

Puppy Love

While it's not my favorite Tegan and Sara song, "The Con," off of the album of the same name, is my favorite performance to watch. I love the emotion that Tegan puts into singing it and I love the facial expressions she makes.

Awkward

I hate that when I accidently close the screens on my laptop and my mom sees my Tegan Quin wallpaper it gets awkward. I just wish I knew what I was feeling so I could tell her the truth. I'm sick of pretending that me talking about how the actresses in movies are gorgeous rather than how the actors are hot is only because I thought the male leads were ugly. I just wish I could be myself, whatever that is.

PS- That really is a beautiful picture of Tegan.

PPS- I'm not sure what I said in the post, either.

Secrets

Last night I dreamt that I went to the Dinah Shore lesbian thingy in Palm Springs and I partied with Rose from "The Real L Word". It was a great dream, but I'm kinda bummed I didn't dream about Whitney. That could've gotten dangerous...

I hope my mom doesn't read this.

UPDATE: Monday Morning: I dreamt about Rose again.

I still hope my mom doesn't read this.

Au Natur-al.

If I ever smoke, I'm smoking American Spirits for no reason other than I like the Native American logo.

If you're a shitty singer, but you own it like you're amazing, you'll be liked.

Have some fucking confidence in EVERYTHING you do.

It's always those which deserve it least, that die.

In the past two weeks, we have lost two great men. These two men, Nate "Oteka" Henn and Chris Baillie, were visionaries, revolutionaries, and most of all, gentle souls. They lived life to the fullest with only the future in mind. They both dedicated their lives to helping the lives of others. Nate Henn was killed in the Somali bombings in Kampala, Uganda. His life was stolen from him in the most poetic way. Nate's goal in life was to visit Uganda to see the changes that he was implementing. He had been in Uganda for one week when, while watching the World Cup final with two Ugandan students, he was hit by shrapnel. He died in a cab on the way to the hospital.

Chris Baillie was a hero at Invisible Children's Oklahoma Holdout in march. He lived his life "skipping, hopping, and dancing." He was an adventurist who never missed an opportunity to do something new. Chris passed away while hiking in New Hampshire. He was hiking with friends when he went to check out a waterfall. Some rocks slipped and he fell 200 ft to his death.

Both men are remembered not only by those who knew them personally, but by those who didn't know them at all. Their deaths will be felt by all those they inspired and loved.

So, rest in peace, Chris and Nate. I didn't know either of you, but I know that the world will truly be a worse place without you.

Nate "Oteka" Henn- 1985-2010

Chris Baillie- 1985-2010

So...

I've been reading the Harry Potter books since Kindergarten. At age 9 something clicked and I became obsessed. Once the 4th movie came out in... 2005, maybe, I lost all faith in the series.

That said, I must say that the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows trailer actually renewed my hope for the franchise. With two movies totally about 5 hours, they better get this shit right.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EC2tmFVNNE

Words of Wisdom

"I started hating myself slightly because I was like, 'I'm not saving the world right now; why am I being praised so much?'"

-Ellen Page

"Art, like Nature, has her own monsters."

-Oscar Wilde

"A tolerant world is a work in progress."

-Anonymous

just an fyi

I have 4 websites saved to my Bookmark Bar.

1) This one

2) Invisible Children Blog

3) Wall Street Journal- Photo Journal

4) Christopher Walken's blog

Why yes, we did just make a law.

It's officially official. Today, this Monday May 24th, 2010, President Barack Hussein Obama signed the LRA Disarmament and Northern Uganda Recovery Act to make it a LAW!!!!!

To Invisible Children Co-Founder, Jason Russell he said, "When you see Jacob, you tell him something... I'm going to do something about this."

What a guy. I knew I loved him for a reason.

Here is his official statement about the signing of the bill: http://blog.invisiblechildren.com/2010/05/obama-speaks-the-president-declares-his-commitment-to-the-lra-bill/

And here's mine:

Guys. After 5 years of relentless lobbying for the support and attention of the bill, we, the humble citizens of the United States of America, have just introduced the largest piece of legislature ever made law concerning Africa. WE JUST CHANGED THE GOD-DAMN WORLD!

Congratulations to everyone and WE DID IT!

I could really use a wish right now.

'Airplane' by B.o.B. featuring Paramore's Hayley Williams. It's amazing.

http://pep.si/d1pw4c

Vote to give this idea 250K: Launch Liberty House and provide assistance to NK refugees in the US. With funding, LiNK will:

• Provide housing for North Korean refugees once resettled in the U.S.
• Provide food for North Korean refugees once resettled in the U.S.
• Facilitate language acquisition and cultural orientation for refugees.
• Provide job training, and career counseling for refugees.
• Provide medical and psychological services for North Korean refugees.

Oh, boy. I love this man.

"When you spend too long in a place you eventually run out of inspiration... So that's kind of what drove me to get up and move. So I left and I've been traveling around ever since, writing... and uh, living. I've been everywhere."

Josiah Leming

"Did a Bunch of Young People Just Get the Most Stubborn Senator in Congress to Say 'Yes'?"

WE DID IT! After 262 hours aka 11 days of camping on the streets of Oklahoma City, Senator Coburn has released his hold on the LRA Disarmament and Northern Uganda Recovery Act! This means that the bill will now be released onto the floor of the senate, and bar no more holds, continue on to the House of Representatives. The bill already has 62 cosponsors in the senate, so there should be no problems. This bill would provide $40 million to aid in the rebuilding and recovery of war-torn Northern Uganda.

The bill has already made history as 1) the most public piece of legislature dealing with Africa, and 2) the most cosponsors (218) ever on a bill for Africa. Let's keep going. This not only aids in relief efforts, but brings attention to the genocides happening all over the world.

WE FUCKING DID IT!

Update: Yesterday afternoon the bill was passed UNANIMOUSLY in the Senate! That means it could be law in as little as 2 months.

In the future...

I really hope/think that in the way distant future, society will buttfuck itself so much with all it's technological bullshit that we're all brought back to the Mennonite way. At least then the Amish can give us all a big "fuck you."

In with the (sort of) new.

I dyed my hair back to brown today. It hasn't been one color since 8th grade. It's been blonde, pink, magenta, purple, light pink, gray, etc. Now it's "Medium Natural Brown" with reddish highlights on accident. I like it. I had grown tired of the same old bleached out, dead look.

http://www.coburnsayyes.com

I'm turning my life around. In school I'm starting to buckle down and actually study and do the work. I'm trying to eat healthier and drink more water. Etc, etc. I'm just trying to take a more proactive role in life.

DO IT

http://www.coburnsayyes.com

One man stands in the way of aid for millions. Make "Dr. No" say "Yes"!

D:<

I hate how everyone sees me as the kid sister. Like, whenever I go on a group trip, my friends tease me or whatever and expect me to take it. And I hate that I do take it. But like, I'm only a year younger than you, or whatever, so why are you treating me like I'm 10?

New Years resolutions:

1. Be healthier.

I never read the 10 books like I wanted to. I suck.

It's Been A While

It's really cold and kind of snowing.

I failed my chemistry midterm.

"I Don't Know Where to Run"

Mr. Josiah Leming

Two Thousand and Ten

Happy New Year! [: Here's to a happier and healthier decade.

I got my dress for my sister's Bat Mitzvah, today. But mine is more like a steel grey.