Things I Want to Do With You:

1. Take a train to Montauk
2. Go camping
3. Go sailing/boating
4. Stay at a Bed & Breakfast in a tiny town
5. Explore New York City
6. Go to art museums
7. Rifle through and antique store
8. Play in a creek/river/stream
9. Hike in New Paltz
10. Go to Woodstock
11. Sit on the beach at the Atlantic Ocean (in winter)
12. Spend a day in a library or book store
13. Teach you how to use a photography darkroom
14. Go to a poetry reading
15. Roadtrips, never stop going on roadtrips (Halifax, Maine, Rockport, Montreal, etc)
16. Art store
17. Go to a Now, Now show
18. Have a bonfire on the beach
19. Go to a real deli
20. See a drive-in movie or a Movie Under the Stars
21. Volunteer somewhere (Soup kitchen, retirement home, senior center, etc.)
22. Explore abandoned places (ex: North Brother Island)
23. Play music with you
24. Listen to vinyls
25. Go to a photobooth
26. Relearn French
27. Open our vegan cafe

It’s hard to remember you being foreign to me. The way your skin first felt, the way your lips first tasted. The first time I read the thoughts spelled out across your face; that I never would have thought you’d become a book with well turned pages. Like when you love a book so much that you can recall the lines word by word, but sometimes your mind runs ahead too fast and the storyline falters.

That moment when my ex-girlfriend writes a poem for class about me, and it describes me better than I've ever described myself:

I loved her

She so captivated me:

my little explorer

with her maps,

like a bird she

twittered restless for

flight, anxious

for the next

forest to camp in,

the next river to

quench her thirst.

Sometimes I catch my reflection in the mirror, and I get startled because I forgot that I'm a girl. It's not that I'm transgender, or want to be a boy. I just don't like being a girl. I don't like parts of my body, I don't like the connotations that come with being a girl, I just don't like it. If I could, I would switch in to a man's body. But, like, I don't have the mind of a boy. I like my "girl's mind." I don't think of myself as a boy, I think I'd just like to have the body of one.

But at the same time, sometimes I catch myself wanting to be one of those girls that can wear whatever they want and be called pretty. I see clothes at a store that I want so, so badly, but I don't get them because I'd never wear them because I'm "too boyish." I'd just like to be one of those girls for a while. Not forever, but just to try.

fucking up
by
fucking around

Sometimes, you just need to enjoy things while they last.

Everything happens for a reason, right?